Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Big Or Small?

Yeah, i think everyone loves drama especially malaysian since mostly malaysian are all busybody ~~. Well what i wanted to say is how do you handle an argument in your relationship. This is what always happen to me; my dear and I always be together and when we are not together, things will get rocky. I mean sometimes a minor and small matter which is total unrelated to us can be turned into a huge problem in our relationship (not that we have problem :P) . Usually I am the one thinking nonsense but still not to the limit of breaking up lo as I think if the issue of breaking up is always brought up, then surely there would be a crack which could lead to downfall ~~. However for me, I think that argument is a need in a relationship no matter you are married or still in couple mode as it let both of us to pour out any uneasy thoughts and feeling thus tighten up the relationship later on, don't ya agree? Even my parents still argue , don't know for what but just small disagreement, not till want to punch or UFO's from the kitchen flying around. I guess it's just normal and that is what makes us lively as a human being. No matter how big or small the argument is, the best thing that we should learn is how to forgive each another. How to make up back is depend on each person right; some people will give surprises, others will bring to a night date and apologize, perhaps there are people who will even `sell` their body to the beloved ~~. Anyhow I just wish everyone out there if you are involved in an argument with anyone or your love one, try to be considerate and respect each another and hopefully live happily ever after ~~ Adios ~

Friday, November 26, 2010

Mia Mia

Woah, sorry for being in MIA mode for so long. It's just that everything is just so nice and goes well and my mood is totally the best than ever. This few weeks since holiday is just the best as what can be more sweet than spending time with your love one? I been like sticking to him like glue since holiday and hanging out everywhere; Curve, Tropicana, Sunway, everywhere ~~ Then his friends from Penang all come over and teman him go here and there again. The most happiest moment was when we are playing ice skating. Well, I don't know how to skate and he teaches me which I totally still don't know how to skate decently. Luckily never fall down, if not sure very ugly hehe. Still he need to hold me and carry me around the ring. But I stopped after 2 round as my leg hurts like hell as the shoe really gives me the pain that is unbearable. Then I asked him to go on skate with his friends and I sitting outside cuci mata LOL. I must learn how to skate better liao so that next time can dance with him while skating. Sweet kan? Imaging holding hands and dancing while skating , so syok o ~~. Btw thought of going Aquaria too but not enough time , so just drop of the friends at KL Sentral and then we both when home and had our own sweet time alone at last. So far everything is just so well and nothing had been better than this. Hope this can last as long as possible, probably forever hehe ~~ God bless me and every bloggers out there ~~

Sunday, November 7, 2010


First of all, I would like to apologize for not updating my blog for a while as been busy besides than have no idea on what to write ~~. I mean after my finals and being on a holiday totally make me feel like a super pig and I just feel so lazy to write something haha. But I did read all of the other bloggers as well ya. As my holiday is only 3 weeks and part time jobs would not be sufficient, I just decided to go over my dear house and enjoy hoho. I been watching all the series that need catching up to his up to date episode, for example ; Fringe ( my most best series after Charmed) , Cougar Town (it's so bitchy ~~),Glee (my dear complain that the season 2 is getting lamer) and a few more. I totally can spend my whole time just like that in front of the computer and rot. Then we tried to catch up all those movies at the cinema but it seems none of it caught our attention so we just rounding around looking for food (basically he is feeding me, feel so bless) On Thursday we went back to Penang and of course I am following him (he don't like to drive alone) and just went on a minor holiday trip. Just walked around and find food again. Nothing much to do as I feel Penang is much boring than KL (no offense to Penang people out there) and I did my first sex with him. Yes my FIRST LOL. I know it sounds like so ugly but for me, it's still anal virginity that I will only keep for the one I love and now I found it, I can officially declared myself as NON Virgin ~~ I know my age is a bit old for first timer but I old fashion mah ( no la , just that love shouldn't be define by sex mah right? ) and I know my dear would love me to do again as I hit his prostate that much (he say one, not me). Btw not much will I write here as I need to finish up my thesis which is a total troublesome thing to do but no choice have to finish it up too. So I will end it here and wish the best of luck to everyone out there ~~

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Again and Again

The same thing happen again. Well sorry for not writing for quite a time as I just finished my finals and having my holiday. And so all of this happen when my family and I having dinner and they strike up multiple question.

Mum : So your exam all over and how long is your holiday?

Me : Around 3 weekslo. This time the holiday very short only due to some stupid stuff at the uni.

Mum : Then you going to find work or anything?

Me : No, too short, lazy want to find, besides I need to finish up my thesis la

Dad : Finish up your thesis or find ******* ( He is referring to my dear)

Me : Ahhhh not going to find himla. He got class and besides no reason for me to find him mah.

Dad : Ya kah? I know he is your boyfriend kan? Kan?

Me : * In silent mode *

Mum : Haiyo don't talk bout it anymore. What you want to do just do. Just don't do anything ( she saying bout having sex and so on )

Dad : *Keeping silent as he is thinking something*

Sister : Aiyo don't bother him la, he still loves both of you whether he is gay or not, so just leave him, he is big enough to know which is right and wrong

Mum : Tomorrow come my place a while. I want to introduce someone to you.

Me : Who?? Another girl again? What for , I don't need any laaaaaa. I not interested in them also

Mum : They interested enough. I want to see you have generation.

Me : Not interested. End of question. If you force me I don't mind leaving the house after I grad.

Mum : * Not saying anything about it and change topic *

Even though they say like that, but from their tone I know they mean no harm and just want me to be back normal. I told them this is not a disease and just let me be but they still finding girls for me. Don't know for what. I know it sound absurd to them but I will be leaving them after I grad and staying with my dear. Just waiting for a nice timing to say so. Think will be end of this week as don't wish to delay anymore since they know my dear too. Wish me luck in persuading them ~~

Saturday, October 9, 2010


This would be the first official honeymoon where only both of us are having the best of it (if it can be consider as honeymoon). My finals is next week and I still have mood to holiday o, so genius man ~~Btw we have been planning from the start to do one but due to our classes and time it's been so hard to go on with one until now. Besides the date 10/10/10 will only come once in our lifetime and this totally boost our spirit to celebrate and enjoy more for the day. Since we run out of time, we just went back to his hometown, Penang and will be there till this Sunday. First of all we went out in the morning to service his car for a while and then went to have a nice lunch nearby AutoCity. Then we went around looking for rings basically for me, as the old ring is loosen up much and he want to buy me a new one. We bought rings but still not satisfied as the one we like doesn't have size and have to order to get a new one's coming in. After rounding the area around as it's only my third time coming to Penang, we went home and make some love LOL and get ready for tonight's dinner at The Ship at Batu Feringghi. It's my first time going there and it's really fun being there. Took only a few photo but should have taken more. Then we had our romantic dinner at The Ship while having to keep our table manners haha. It's not like at mamak stall where the food arrives and you grab it without bothering the table manners as long as your stomach feels full and happy. We have to keep low in voice, clanking of knifes and forks, not being so excited about the new environment ( see we so sampat ) it's so hard but yet so fun haha. Both of us ordered 1 chicken chop, 1 fish fillet, 1 seafood platter, 1 sharkfin soup and 2 drinks only. Here are the pics we ate, look nice right?

This is the Ice Lychee and carrot Juice with Salad ~~

This is the Shark Fin soup, It's little but it is tasty o ~~

This is mine Neptune Don't Know What Name Chicken Chop ~~

This is his Fish Fillet Chop ~~

This is the Seafood Platter, consists of fried fish fillet if i not mistaken, tiger prawns, fried squid, fried scallop and the fries. ~~

Overall the food here is rating 3/5 for us. We very picky in food neh ~~ If not nice sure ban the place haha. Well actually have more pic to put in but too lazy and tired. So going to sleep as tomorrow have to drive back to KL, he drive of course and we need a good long rest. So hope you all have a wonderful day today as well ~~~

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Away Away Away

So I will be away for around 3 weeks as my finals is starting, so won't be able to blog ~~ Will be right back after it's over. I can smell holiday coming liao ~~ Good day to everyone ~~

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Acceptance Not?

My parents meet my dear for the first time !!!. Ok here is the story, I was sicked last Saturday and my dad took me to a nearby clinic. We were back around 9.30pm and it was kinda unsettling as I plan to go to his house at night. (Even though I am half dead ) Then my dear came an hour later and he drove me to his place and just as my head touched the pillow , my MUM CALLED. She called me asking where am I and as if she is physic, she knew I wasn't home and demanded me to back immediately and both of my parents are furious. (Coz I am sick mah and then still wandering around) Then he drove me back again * he so sweet* and then my mum DEMAND to talk to him. They chatted a while and then she told me that she want to meet him tomorrow and asked him to over for dinner. He happily agree and I couldn't bother less. So today they meet up during dinner and they chatted happily ever after I guess LOL and my parents seem fine and satisfied with him. But my dad asked me is he really gay or not as he saw the love bite on his neck. Of course I make it lol. I denied it for sure but my parents are not stupid, they know he is my bf. So for now at least I can tell them straight that I am going out with him more openly. However it still worried me as this all seems so unbelievable. So is this a great news or the start for doom? ~~

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Getting Dumped

Oh no no, of course it doesn't happen to me but happen to my sister for NO REASON. Do you ever get dumped for no reason or the reason seems to be the lamest thing ever? This is exactly what happen to her last week. She went over his place to give him surprise but then she came back home with tears and telling me the ex bf broke up with her for no specific reason. WTF this suppose to mean? She came home crying and there is no reason for the break up? As her little bro of course I have to console her as she is my only sister and we are very close. So I listen to her story and then this is what I came up with; The guy has NO BALLS and he is using my sister as a backup to climb back up to get back his life. Seriously what kind of guy will ever as a girl or the partner to pay for his stuff that he bought? He lost his job and my sister supported him in every way including financially and my sister even ask me to borrow her some to help him. He is broke but still can buy a car and my sister became the mangsa to pay everything. What kind of guy exactly this person can be? He is so bloody mean and after using and stealing everything from my sister, he just smile and broke up. I damn hate this kind of guy and seriously MR ****** if I ever see you walking at the street, be prepared to be hospitalized!!! Curse you forever ~!! For now just have to help my sister to get back up to her normal life where she love herself first and anything else that is much more important than that asshole. ~~

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Sitting Face To Face or Next To

This happen to me when was having dinner with my dear at a nearby restaurant nearby our place. The restaurant was kinda silent as its' operating during the days and there were only a few people in there. And sitting far away from us was a couple who was waiting for their food to be served. Nothing much you would expect from this normal daily situation except when one of them started to talk loudly and commented about the food taste in Chinese. Well the workers who are not Chinese probably wouldn't even understand a single word the couple was talking but still manners apply outside right? They were commenting the food terribly which my dear and I feel just nice and healthy and they been making a ruckus about it. They demand this and that from the workers(have no idea what they ask) to make their food tastier and the fantastic part was they were sitting face to face but the distance was like one table to another table. Weird right? How would you want to have a nice and peaceful conversation if both of you sitting that far, that is so lame ><. I mean everyone has their own way of sitting even though , so it's depend on individual about their own comfort and pleasure. For me if the table is square, I will surely sit next to him (left or right will do) and wouldn't be sitting face to face with him. Reason? I can monitor and cuci mata with him together in case any leng chai come through LOL. Well I mean the conversation between each other is much easier to deliver rather than sitting face to face as at least I can hold his hand closely and sitting closely can be fun (if you know what I mean). Besides secrets too can be talk more private and wouldn't have to talk aloud as both will be sitting far face to face (get what I mean?:P). Sitting face to face will only apply to me when having meal on a round table such as when having big event like wedding occasion, elderly birthdays or family reunions. Of course I don't mean when sitting with family, because you will be sitting anywhere you like so probably this rules doesn't apply. So how do you guys sit and enjoy meals together? Any more position that I don't know?

P.S : Hate those kind of couples anyway, totally uncivilized and like baboon. ~~

Friday, September 10, 2010

Trust and Forgiveness

I have no idea why i love to post this kind of things lately (something must be wrong with me somewhere:P) . However I would still love to write about this matter which would be the biggest foundation for gay relationship, don't you think so?

As we know trust is the most important thing that help us to keep up a good relation not just with our loves one but everywhere we go; work, family and etc. Trust is the endearing faith and confidence that your partner will respect and he will show you his feeling of sincerity and genuine. But still we know trust is hard to develop as it is the hallmark for successful relationship and it can cause severe damage if not taken properly and can destroy everything in an instance. Like it take ages to build and maintain a good reputation but it only take seconds to destroy everything that was build.

So for those who would love to rebuild or have a better trust in the relationship, I think the tips are kinda useful ( quoted from somewhere )

1: Get a good handle on any projections that might be being triggered from the past; your boyfriend is not your ex or your father who may have hurt you before. Focus on the here-and-now and deal directly with this current reality and not those distractions that you’ll still need to grieve and complete.

2: You and your partner will need to communicate and listen to each other; make sure you know how to do this well and enlist the help of a trained therapist if needed. Difficult discussions abound and you each will need to be able to express and understand each other’s perspectives. You will also need to acknowledge and validate each other’s experiences of the problem and reach an understanding of how and why this happened, staying focused on the issue-at-hand.

3: You will each need to take responsibility for the roles you played in the indiscretion and be open to apologizing and forgiving each other.

4: In your problem-solving, you will need to create a new “relationship contract”, agreeing to behavior that’s fair vs. unjust and ensuring you each share these same definitions. Identify any unrealistic expectations to avoid any set-ups for sabotage. I personally think this works for some couples and it act like a legal papers ~~

5: Create a healing climate in your relationship. There is no room for competition, jealousy, blame, or defensiveness any more. Introduce more tenderness and attentiveness to each other’s needs. Demonstrate to each other consistently that you are each priorities to one another and remember that you get back what you put into your relationship (The Law of Attraction).

6: Learn to “let go” of any bitterness to allow each of you the opportunity to grow and change. Take an inventory of the positive memories, behaviors, interactions, and characteristics of your partner to keep you balanced and hopeful.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Relationship Success

We as gay men always struggled through and endure much pain than anything else but yet able to find a true love is always be rewarding. But of course the hardest part in my opinion is to keep going on the relationship and have a successful intimate relationship as there wouldn't be a manual guide for us the show us the path isn't it? I read this article and would love to share with everyone so that you guys can have a nice successful partnership.

1 : Avoid placing emotional needs to your partner.
This should be our own individual self problem and development and shouldn't be taken out on to your partner.

2 : Never expect your partner to know your needs even though been together for a long time.
I think this is true as no matter how close or how well we know each other, we still can't read minds and thus we can't really know what he is thinking actually. So it would be wise to have a direct conversation and get what you need. It's advisable not to do mind guessing.

3 : Keep on having a 'check up' with your partner to reexamine the relationship and how satisfied are both of you. This can keep the communication open and renew the quality of the relationship. I think this is the part where everyone love to do.

4 : Avoid letting disagreement turn into an ugly verbal battle where everything bad things would be said that can cost the relationship. Of course no one's want to argue isn't it? So you and your partner should take time to sit down and discuss properly before any of you get hurts deeply.

5 : You can try to protect your relationship by bringing it to a higher level by legally getting some stuff done such as wills, or power of attorney as the plannings would be good enough to keep strong and prove the place in the relationship.

6 : Do not EVER let busyness take away of relationship. This is another main factor that always happen to couples as they can't spend time for each other. You and your partner should find some time adjusting balance between work, friends and family so that both of you can have a nice and peaceful quiet couple night. Perhaps having a Date Night every week if possible would be wonderful as we can see the commitment shown in you and your partner. Just remember the Date Night is the night where you both spend quality time together, not discussing anything related to problems and issues.

Actually there are more tips that can be taken into consideration but I guess this would be sufficient for now as these are the main things that if once a couple can overcome this problems, their relationship would be wonderful and will be living happily ever after. Who wouldn't want that kind of life? ~~

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Prostate Orgasm

Prostate orgasm is the term used for massaging the prostate gland in order to produce a flow and elimination of seminal fluid (semen) without ejaculation and also usually used for SEXUAL PLEASURES as it's intensify the orgasm in masturbating or with your partner.

To achieve the stimulation, prostate orgasm can be performed alone, by a professional, or with a partner (of course with partner right?).The most common and most effective way to perform prostate stimulation is through the anus. Traditionally, when a partner or spouse helped with the prostate orgasm stimulation, they used their finger.They would insert the finger into the anus and massage the prostate gland gently(better clean your butt butt first ya ). The prostate orgasm is achieved by massaging and squeezing the prostate gland in a downward motion. During a prostate orgasm, semen flows out rather than being squirted out (as in a regular ejaculation, perhaps you cant even feel the flow, just that it gives the best stimulation ever ).The problem with fingers is that they are usually about and inch or two too short to do the job well (guess your partner really have to locate it unless he has a long fingers to do so). It feels good, but, a finger doesn't usually reach to the top of the prostate gland and don't do an efficient job of milking the prostate gland (releasing the fluid).

Besides how many of us did prostate orgasms during sex and get totally stimulated from that? I experienced it before and it totally blew off your mind!! Just say by doing this can gives the best stimulation and you will shoot a volley of arrows and as far as throwing lancers seriously. So try this at home and enjoy the very best of it ~~

Monday, August 30, 2010

Cont Cont

Sorry for the late post again. As usual no connectivity is a total problem for updating blog or even read on the other bloggers. However I promise that I will write out some of my personal experiences and have it won't bored you guys out. The first would be when I am still in my high school; VI ( Victoria Institution ) and it happen during Hungry Ghost Festival of course. VI is famous with it eerie and creepy stories but not till when I experienced it on hand. I was the Red Crescent Society and we would have events during the night time all the time. There is that one particular time, my group and I went over to the foyer to patrol and we heard noises nearby the swimming pool and we headed over there to check it out of course. Upon arriving at the pool, we smell a stench of foul stinky smell like someone or something is dead and the pool is turning color!! ( This is based on true story not play play a ). At first we thought that someone or the guard is playing a fool with the water supply or whatsoever but who the heck will do that late in the midnight? And that is when the best part come, a SKELETON came out from middle of the pool from the water flying out just like that!! I can seriously tell you that we all were screaming like ladies and running with tails under our leg. Of course when we told that to the seniors and they went back checking it's nothing. So we get laughed and teased by them until the next week, the authority found a skeleton buried under the swimming pool. ( If you had read few years back newspaper or even had VI newsletter page, it's true ). That is when our senior was like ' OMG YOU GUYS REALLY SAW THAT THING'!! and we was like giving them the sarcastic look. It was then said that the Japanese had mass killing during the WW2 and buried them all over the school which is also so freaking true. VI is like the breeding of ghost; literally ~~

The second incident was a bit unbelieveable as it involves with the goddess. Actually the story is like this; my mum adopted a young boy to be our step brother and he was only 11 when he was diagnosed with leukemia and it's on the last stage. However he wasn't afraid of the death and devoted himself into Buddhism and pray frequently. My mum who is a religious freak ( sorry mum LOL ) been praying for him since then and hope he will be safe when he passed away. And the time when he passed away, something strange happen. ( This is also true story, up to you guys to believe or not ) My little step brother use to have a stench and funny kind of smell as he is sick and the smell wasn't that good either. However the time he passed away everything changed after we chanted for 8 hours. We all saw Kuan Yin, the Goddess of Mercy and the other god which name I don't know till now coming to him with an empty lotus flower beside them. And we saw him riding the lotus flower, smilling happily and waving goodbye and gone just like that. After that his body smell so nice just like perfume and the smell is so freaking nice LOL. It's so speechless seeing things like that just happen before your eyes and it makes you to believe in every possibilities. So, did you guys ever encounter anything like that before?

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Hungry Ghost

I have a few encountered before just before and right after the festival just about to end. However will post them in the next post, so this is a little brief idea to those who doesn't really know what is this festival about.

The Ghost Festival also known as the Hungry Ghost Festival is a traditional Chinese festival and holiday celebrated by Chinese in many countries. In the Chinese calendar (a lunisolar calendar), the Ghost Festival is on the 15th night of the seventh lunar month. In Chinese tradition, the fifteenth day of the seventh month in the lunar calendar is called Ghost Day and the seventh month in general is regarded as the Ghost Month (鬼月), in which ghosts and spirits, including those of the deceased ancestors, come out from the lower realm. Distinct from both the Qingming Festival (in Spring) and Chung Yeung Festival (in Autumn) in which living descendants pay homage to their deceased ancestors, on Ghost Day, the deceased are believed to visit the living.

Zhong Kui, the vanquisher of ghosts and evil beings

On the fifteenth day the realms of Heaven and Hell and the realm of the living are open and both Taoists and Buddhists would perform rituals to transmute and absolve the sufferings of the deceased. Intrinsic to the Ghost Month is ancestor worship, where traditionally the filial piety of descendants extends to their ancestors even after their deaths. Activities during the month would include preparing ritualistic food offerings, burning incense, and burning joss paper, a papier-mache form of material items such as clothes, gold and other fine goods for the visiting spirits of the ancestors. Elaborate meals (often vegetarian meals) would be served with empty seats for each of the deceased in the family treating the deceased as if they are still living. Ancestor worship is what distinguishes Qingming Festival from Ghost Festival because the latter includes paying respects to all deceased, including the same and younger generations, while the former only includes older generations. Other festivities may include, buying and releasing miniature paper boats and lanterns on water, which signifies giving directions to the lost ghosts and spirits of the ancestors and other deities.

A female ghost in China

Bai Qiulian( this is her name, pretty name and pic or not you think? LOL)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Love At First SIght

To know or to love? Surely everyone knows the answer but still they will pick the more dangerous and risk taking option ; to love. Well I guess everyone loves risk and the higher the stake is the better the prize to be claim ( Am I right about this? ). Everyday we meet people of various ethic and background and the looks will gives us the very first impression of the individual. Like it or not, LOOKS surely is an important assets and we have to maintain it so that people will have a nice first judge on us. If we saw great looking guy or girls at the street, we will admire the person and perhaps even naughty thoughts popping in our heads ( I am not that physco~! ). Mostly people lose their mind when it comes to love and this prevent us to think rational and they love without wanting to know, and if they don't love they wouldn't bother to know which will lead to a huge downfall. Love is blind; is a great excuse for not wanting to know. But for me, isn't it obvious to know would come first as how can we love a stranger? But maybe that explain why people named it as love at first sight. I even had experience some love at first sight but it end up fail as perhaps it's only a mere affection between each other.So I guess the option of to love will probably never come first before to know as to love without knowing would be puppy love or any other kind of love as long as it's not true love. (I am crapping~~ )

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.” I quoted this to you dear and wished all the best for both of us and every other couple's out there as this should be the way love is~~

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A Beautiful Day

I have the most beautiful day of my life if you are in my shoes ~~. My semester break was last Friday and I was supposed to go to Johor as planned. However due to certain circumstances, I end up going back and cleaning my room. And of course, it's kinda like a blessing to me as I can meet my dear on Friday itself, not Monday!!. So I was eager as usual just like a little kid waiting for lollipop for him to come over and pick me up as he want to learn how to come to my place. Then, went over his place and settle down and went out to have dinner as usual. For the past few days, we been out watching movies as he accompany me to catch up all of the movies that I haven't watch, finding foods like rats ( basically it's me) and then back home cuddling. Then he bring me to gym as he is a very healthy person and of course I accompany him to do too. First time experience something new is so nice and probably will be making 1 membership so that can gym with him too haha ( want to lose weight o, fat liao . The best day of course will be 16 August which mark our offical date as it's the 7 day of the 7 month in Chinese Calender which is the Chinese Valentine Day and we went up to Little Genting ( i think mostly everyone knows where ) and we had dinner and a Black Forest cake and we propose ( shy le, hahah ). Of course when we went back, we ahem ahem and it's just so nice LOL.

Anyhow , I come back home today as my dad wants to meet me to discuss something ( actually he is angry as I am not at home ) and have to part with him. But will be meeting him on Sat to catch up the last unseen movie with him and his friends and then have to back to Uni liao. It doesn't matter as we make full use of our time enjoying ourselves and I promise to be the best and special for you ya dear!!! Love You and XOXO ~~

Monday, August 9, 2010

Caught Red Handed

I been caught red handed by my dad!!! It all happen when I just finished my class and my dad called me telling me I received some package from some place and asked me what was that but of course I wouldn't know.

Dad : Eh, today the postman delivered a package for you. You know what's the package is about?
Me : Of course I don't know a. What package is that? Who send it?
Dad : Wait I opened and let you know. (After a while he said ). It wrote from **************** and what is this??!! You bought gay cd's?
Me : Ah ( Kantoi already ), well it's a long time book and I have no idea they send it now.
Dad : Oh, so what you going to do with it? You going throw away or you want me to keep it and pass it back to you next week?
Me : No need, just leave it in the cupboard !!!. Besides, mummy know or not about the cd?
Dad : Of course not. She will break it and will get mad if saw that cd. You next week better come back and hide it. And you owe me ok son?
Me : Yes, dad ( He is going to ask me do stuff for him liao, sob )

But still lucky my mum did not saw the cd, if not I surely going to have hours of lectures from her again. Haha dad, I love you ~~ Same to you mummy even though you hate me being a gay ><.

Saturday, August 7, 2010


I seriously have nothing to say on this matter actually. This always happen when I am with my classmates who are Malays and Indians. Being the only Chinese guy in the class and the whole batch of the year, everyone would stare at us in one funny way and it's actually kinda disturbing. For example, yesterday my friends and I went to Times Square to buy some clothes for an upcoming event and wasted nearly RM300+ ( not including pants and shoe as haven't bought them yet ) and all of the people who serve us will STARE and SCAN us especially me from head to toe. I remember accompanying my friend to ROMP as she want to buy some clothes and the guy and the cashier are staring at me while serving us and as we are speaking English, they had to use the same language to communicate with us too but they failed literally LOL. I mean their accent totally run and their tongue just couldn't twist like us ( sombong liao ). And when I helped her to pay her clothes, they were like staring and the other customers mainly Chinese were like gossiping about me ( I understand Chinese ok ~!! ) which make me glared at them huhu. Then when we went to Tesco to get daily stuff, I accidentally spoke pork with my Malay friends and they were playing along with me too. But then there was an elderly couple behind us heard what they and I said and the female couple was staring at us blinking her eyes non stop ( of course I become the victim of their scanning, again ). The whole day and time everyone was staring and looking at me and them. Sometimes we really wonder what is the main reason they stare in that kind of manner. It's disturbing after some time ~~ but still got to adjust to this. Haha just don't know how long it will take to end its ~~

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Bad Luck

Today was really not a good day for me as few things happen to me. Firstly when going to class today, I accidentally step on a cow dung. I have no idea how come I did not see something that was so huge in front of my car and straight away kena biggest jackpot!!! Have to wash and clean my pants and shoes before went to class with my mind cursing the don't know which ever cow that poop at there. Secondly when doing presentation, my lecturer wasn't even helpful with our slides and incidentally i spoke " FUCK" and the whole class was staring at me. Luckily the lecturer was adjusting the internet cable and had a barely escape. The third incident is the worst as after my class end, my housemate called me up and asked me to pick him up as he does not have transportation. Being a good guy as usual I gladly picked him up and driving like a maniac back home as my mind was just thinking about my bed bed bed. And all of the sudden there is a road block and I kena issued for not wearing seatbelt which make me so mad. I even counter attacked the policeman by saying so many reason but at last I give in and have to pay RM80 for the nonsense saman, DENG. The last bad thing was when my classmates asked whether want to have dinner at Pizza Hut which I agreed with no hesitation and I thought everything will turn fine. But the service there is totally OMFG and the pizzas we ordered arrived in more than 1 hour. Geng neh? Even the other customers who came in late than us ate finish and leave happily. At first, I still can bear with it as my friends were cracking jokes and so on, but when I asked for cheese flakes which the person in charge don't bother to reply I bursted and starting scolding LOL. I even scolded them saying I am not going to pay the service charge which cost RM10 + ( it's money also ) but in the end, have to pay also haha. Such a shitty day for me don't ya think so?

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Sungai Kanching

Sorry for the absentees as busy as usual with my thesis and so on. But still I managed to have a day break by going to Sungai Kanching ( Used to be called Temple Park if I am not mistaken . Of course going there with classmates and enjoying our whole day of freedom, dipping in the water and standing on the waterfall is totally enjoyable and it's just too fantastic. However the park have so many freaking monkeys which spy on us when we were changing our clothes after the play and even try being naughty!!!. This is the second time I am going there though and yet I always get hurt during the fun !!! Perhaps it's because of I am not wearing my glasses make me get hurt all over my leg AGAIN T_T. But of course, I still enjoy my whole day there and will come again for sure !!!. I will be back ~~

Some of our nonsensical pictures

Of course there are more but lazy to upload more ~~ Btw will be going Johor to celebrate friends birthday so will be blogging when I get back~~ Adios to everyone and good luck ^^

Friday, July 30, 2010

Will everything change

The time you message me, the time you show me care and support when I am down, the time when I feel so lost and you show me the path, is everything going to come to an end? You are so different from the way you chase me and after we are together. I try not to think about it, but even my friends noticed it and asked me is there any problem. Our relationship does not have any problem, I guess both of us are more independent type even though we are couple up? I don't blame you for anything as you are the one who make me feel wanted and happy during this time. But is my love towards you is illusion for you? Perhaps our LDR really doesn't work so I am putting any blame on you, as you are a great guy. Hope everything will be fine for you ~~

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Busy Busy

Yeah, sorry for the not posting anything as I have been super duper busy with my thesis. Real world company collaboration with my uni, sure I have to do my best isn;t it? Besides my supervisor even chooses me to undergo MQA accreditation, which make me more headache haha.
Yesterday I even hang out with my high school senior and the first thing she asked me was ' What happen to you? Why do you become like this? It's such a waste !!!'. Of course at first I wouldn't know what she mean but when I turned and say my sister giving her evil smile, I knew she told my senior !!. Well it wasn't really a big stuff but I was given lectures for few hours and which lead me to think back for real. I know it sound absurd but sometimes I do consider myself in the ' confusion + disappointment' case for being a gay guy. I watched handsome and great guys in awe, admire them and even think * XXX * ( LOL, joking ) with them but those that make me a gay guy? What if my senior is right about the confusion and disappointment? Can I really be back into a normal and straight guy? I am certain no one would want to be a gay person in the first place right? Well, I guess we have to let time do their job again ain't it?

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Ah Long

My cousin sister borrowed money from Ah Long !!!!!. Omg how could this happen, I hate Ah Long so much >< . I just got the news today and my parents told us that they got to know it from our relatives from hometown. Well my cousin sister is a very nice person and quite soft however THAT is the cause of downfall. Her bf whom I totally hate so much as he is a drinker, smoker, gambler and don;t know how many more shitness I can dig out from him started everything. It seems that my cousin sister has been supporting him financially even though she herself is not that rich and she can even bear with him when that stupid guy always break her heart. Recently, the bf's parents saw a house and ask the son to buy it for them. And the bf can ASK my cousin sister to buy it for them in his place. When my cousin sister told him that her financial has run dry, he persuaded her to borrow from AH Long!!! What type of human and guy is that? How can he just ask my cousin sister who is his girlfriend to borrow money from Ah Long? Seriously if I ever see this guy on the road, I am gonna bang him with my car and squash him under it. Now my parents and other relatives are thinking on how to take care of the matter as my cousin sister borrow RM 10K and in return, every month she got to pay the Ah Longs RM1.2k per month for a year. This matter really gives us headache by unintentionally LOL. Hope everything goes well for her. I don't want her to lose her life because of one stupid guy. Wish her all the best luck. Support her anyway I can if i could but my parents forbid me to do so as they say it will drag me into the matter too. Sob Sob for her ~~

Friday, July 9, 2010

Organ Donor

This is what I had on my mind when playing with my beloved Snow~~ ( my dog ). The idea just come spontaneously and I told my mum like this :

Me : Mum, if next time I die hor, I wanna be organ donor ~~

Mum: * Drop the plate for a moment * " Har? You serious? "

Me : " Ya, why not, nothing wrong what, some more can save people life mah "

Mum : " Eh don't la, you know or when after we die this will happen ...................... ( my mum starts talking about the Buddhism stuff about after life to me as she is very religous )

Me : " I don't care, die mah die lo, if can help people then I will do so. Take me register next week when I back from Uni "

Mum : * Speechless*

Muahaha I win my mum in this matter. Actually it's not a bad idea right? There are so many people who are in need for organs and I just doing what I can do to ease their pain and suffering. Even Snow agree with me by wagging his tail and snuggle into me~~ !!!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


I read a news about DJ Tiesto today and said that he passed away in a road accident. It's so sad and pity for a talented and great DJ just leave us just like that. You can read the news at here ( don't know true or not)
Whenever there are news about anyone passed away, I will have a memory about something that happen to me when I was only 8 years old. I always get upset about this matter and guess nothing can take my guilt away.

I had a good neighbour which treated my family well when I was a kid. The neighbour has 2 sisters and one of them treat me just like her little brother and the other one just brush me off. So I will named the nice sister as Sister J and the bad sister Sister K. Sister J and I had a very close relation as she does not have a little brother and my sister doesn't really bothering me that much and probably that is the reason why both of us get so close. Everyday she would take me to school, waited me to finish my class and hold my hand to cross the road, treat me foods and drinks that I liked, bring me to the park and so much more. However this does not last long for HER as she is involved in a road accident because of ME.

That evening I was just coming back from school and while I am in the bus, I drew a picture of Sister J and me holding hands and smiling happily. By the time I finished drawing, the bus was in front of my house and there is she, waiting for me to take me back home. I was eager and did not pack my crayons properly and while we were crossing the road, my crayons fell off and rolled over to the middle of the road. She asked me to wait for her when she helped me to take those crayons and that is when all goes wrong. She managed to pick the crayons up and was walking back to me when a BUS hit her and run just like that. I was totally shaken, shocked and stunned watching her get hit and bleeding all over. I still remembered that people are screaming for help and she still managed to pass me those crayons with a SMILE and that is when she said, " Don't cry Danny Boy, it's ok. Sis is going first and will protect you from up there. Be strong and I will be happy to know that you are safe".
That is when her family came and started shouting and scolding me. I just stood there like a retard and my parents was like " Calm down boy, calm down, sis is going to be just fine". When we reached at the hospital, everything was too late and the sis's mum was scolding at me saying I am the black sheep and disgrace to people. She keep on screaming at me, cursing me non stop which make me feel more guilty. I told Aunt S that I am so sorry and saying it's truly my fault while my parents defended for me. What I remember after that was the whole week was havoc as both of our family waged war and in the end, I told my parents, ' Let's move ' and we moved. Aunt S never even let me give my final respect to her saying I will dirty her and so on which I don't even bother listening. But for my whole life, I have been in guilty and the feeling will be triggered when I read or see something in common. If only I am not careless, Sister J probably had grown up into a beautiful lady with an angel like smile and have a good , warming family. I will never be able to forgive myself even though she said that everything is ok. Will I be able to let go of myself from this guilt? Perhaps or not...

Monday, July 5, 2010

Second Week

This is my second week at my new campus and I feel so dehydrated over here. The weather is so freaking hot and unbearable which make Chinese people like me will get skin burn or skin sensitive or whatsoever LOL. I once had my skin burn during my National Service and it's totally hurts and you can feel the heat burns just as your finger touches the skin due to the sensitiveness that mostly Chinese people had, I guess. The skin will get so dry and the whole part will show signs of reddish and really irritating haha. Not even the sunblock with SPF 50 can block it ~~ I am getting darker day by day which make my fairness gone !! ~~ Besides, the internet connection at my uni is like snail or worst, make me can't even find research for my thesis title ( sob ). Btw my dear uni also reopen today and both of us are busy preparing stuff which make us hardly chat through online nowadays. Guess everyday we have to sms and call to fill up the emptiness inside of us haha. That's all for now, gtg to take my dinner and start finding journals for thesis. All the best to everyone out there ~~

Saturday, July 3, 2010

My Coming Out Experience Again

Surely it would be a trouble and fuss when your family gets to know about your sexuality. In my case, I keep get nagging and pestering from parents especially my mum who always said

Mum :" Why do you want to be a gay? Outside there no more pretty girls? "

Me : " This is me. I am just like this, it's not a matter that if I want to change I could. And besides I am happy with myself and my life right now. "

Mum : Don't you know getting in a relationship with a guy you can have all those disgusting disease like AIDS? Next time when you get old with those disease who is going to help you? "

Me : So you mean if I get together with a girl I won't get AIDS? Besides I am not that stupid to not using protection when having sex."

Mum : " Still I find it totally wrong and songsang. Guys should be with girls , not same sex. "

Me: " *Speechless for a while*. This is my life ma, and I know how hard for you to accept who am I. But what I can say is that currently I am happy with my life and I find no regrets. Just let me be who I am can? "

Mum : " I don't care, I will find you some girls. You are not ugly and in fact good looking, so it wouldn't be a matter to find some. Talk to you next day "

Me : * Totally speechless*

This was my conversation between my mum and me. Whenever both of us are alone, she will bring up the matter and try to adjust me ( her say ) which is so irritating.
On my dad side, he wasn't that conservative and old minded. He just tell me " It's your life and you choose the path, I can't stop you. But don't bring your bf back home" ( My dad is funny haha ).

Well, I know both of them are kinda disappointing as one of their child is a gay, but Dad and Ma, no matter what I still love both of you regardless of everything that happen.

Friday, July 2, 2010

3 months ~~

Tomorrow would be the third month since we couple up. ~~ Even though the time is still short but every minute is worth treasure and every argument is just bringing us more closer and understanding than ever. No matter what, I will try my best to be the one for you dear.

Happy Anniversary Dear ~~ Love You ~~

Tuesday, June 29, 2010


This is my third LDR and even though I seems fine with it but I miss my dear so much ~~ Who won't miss their beloved ones and separated not for few days or weeks, but months? I had been trying my best not to miss him dearly as it would affect my studies but i failed ><. My friends are happy and glad for me as I found someone who I dearly cared and love but they keep asking me why I always have a LDR and keep making me wonder why too. So this is the plan that I been thinking; Will go over his place again on September during his Hari Raya holiday break. He has 2 weeks holiday but I have only few days holiday ( LOL so unfair ) but I will finish up my assignments and this will give me a peace of mind when being with him. Of course getting him a present would be nice but it's so hard to choose a present for a guy ( my opinion ) .

Right now, my uni is in a total hell and mess which makes me just wanna finish up my studies asap but guess everything has it's flow isn't it ? Going to get my thesis title this Thursday and start researching ~~. Bye for now, onlining using the worst ever siput connection at uni make the day worse.

P.S : Dear, wait for me during September holiday break, want come over and spend holiday time with you ~~ love U~~

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Open, Reopen

Ah, at last my holiday is ending tomorrow!! I got so much of mixed feeling right now and kinda a bit stress~~ I have my thesis to do for the coming semester and with the sudden transferring to the isolated area, wonder will I get a good result again or not . And the timetable changes totally beyond my expectation which my finals will be in October and not December. This is gonna be hard to maintain my increasing CGPA and surely will be stressful. But nvm, i will get through it with my wits and guts( LOL) and of course with my ever supporting dear beside me , i can make it ~~!!! . After tomorrow I won't be online for a few days to settle down my things there. Good luck to everyone and myself ~~~

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Holiday Is Ending

My heart is full with sadness now ( Haha joking ). Actually I can't really find the best word to describe my feeling. I feel happy that Uni is reopen and my student life is back but deep down too i am afraid. Afraid of being at the new environment and staying at my bro's rental house. Well our Uni secretly and silently transfer my faculty to the main campus which is at Batang Berjuntai ( 1 hour 30mins ++ from KL) which is a total kampung place and it's so isolated. Everywhere at the area have cows, monkeys and much more that you won't even find at the city LOL.

Well I don''t really bother about the area as the Chinese population is much more than Shah Alam but the least thing I don't really like is staying with my bro. I can't really imagining living with my bro in a same rental house and there would be some other housemates that I totally have no idea who they are. Besides it would be like total no privacy for me to communicate with my dear and my bro will surely make a big trouble out of it. There is a guy in the house who is a gay too but out of all sudden, he told me not to talk to him anymore which I have no clue at all and this time staying with them would be total awkward. I don't really know how to describe my feelings right now, just hope everything goes well by then.

P.S, Miss my dear so much, no words can describe how much I miss You~ Love You ~

Monday, June 14, 2010

Tired But Fun

Well this is the time to earn some money isn't it and I went back to my last job cafe and ask for a part time job which is tiring but enjoyable too. Besides that I have to look after the house as no one is around and the dumplingsssssssss !!. The festival is coming and mostly Chinese families are having dumplings including mine. But the best part is I made them !!!! At first I thought it's an easy task to do but to warp it all around is hard. I always crush the rice when it reaches the last step of warping ( Huhu i so noob ~~ ). Anyhow i manage to make some dumplings ( Danny's Version ) and going to feed my family with it ohohoho. Of course I wish my beloved dear can have a taste too but I guess it's ok for now. Will feed him like pig when we stay together >< . That's all for now~~

Adios~~ Ciao

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Hope So, Hope Not

I have a bad feeling since I get back from Penang after meeting up with my dear. Maybe it's only my intuition or I am thinking too much but I just can't get it out from my head. We chatted like normal but to me it seems something is amiss and there is a barrier that is blocking us from being together. And today he wrote this word to me ' I am PASSIVE' and he feels that I am only watching him from afar. I was so hurt, felt my heart was stabbed as I heard this before and seriously don't want history to repeat. It's not like I am doing nothing the whole time but when I am with him, I just don't know how to react and just want to respect him. Whatever I am doing now is just to be with him in the future but the words kept lingering in my mind and confusing me. I tried my best to make him happy and feel that he is wanted but I am afraid now. I don't want it to be over just like that....

I Love Him...

Friday, May 28, 2010

Back Back ~~

Wuuu at last I am back in KL after visiting my dear dear at Penang for 4 days. Quite tiring but it's enjoyable and I totally had so much fun with him and his beloved sister. We had much fun together and even banging our heads at MOIS. But for me the time passes so fast and can't really enjoy much with him. I would really want to take him back to my house but need a total careful planning ; otherwise I am gonna have a long lecturer from my parents.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

SNSD and 2PM Caribbean Bay MV

Wuuu I love the song so much and everyone in it is so freaking hawt ~~ Enjoy

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it. ~Jacques Prévert

Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy. ~Robert Anthony

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. ~Mark Twain

Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. ~Norm Papernick

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost. ~H. Jackson Browne

~~This is a reminder for me of course~~


I am so sorry dear for not telling you first before I do anything.
I am sorry for having you worry for no reason.
I am sorry when you show me your care and I take it for granted.
I am sorry that my action's hurt you in any way.


Monday, May 17, 2010

It's Going to be the End

Today is the last day for revision !!! Yeah tomorrow will be my last paper for this semester and then i am FREEEEEEE :P . So going back to study now. Be back here tomorrow ~~

P.S : I hurt my hand when taking hot water just now, it's hurt but hope it won't give me trouble tomorrow

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Birthday ~~

Wuuu this month surely have so many people who I care are birthday boy/girls. First is my dear dear of course!! Today is his birthday which he is 22 years old ( huhu big enough to do stuff ) and too bad I am not by his side as he gone back to Penang. No matter what I still sincerely wishes him HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR !!! All the best to you not only today but hopefully forever. Hehe next would be one of my dearest classmate Farhana Mat Nasir. Yeah she is 22 this year too ( if I am not mistaken :P ) but also can't celebrate with her as she is in Shah Alam and we all are still in the final exam mood. But surely will repay both of them back hehe. For her of course would a birthday bash would be nice huhu and for my beloved dear; I had something in mind but he wouldn't want me to spend on him ( aww so sweet of him ). Anyhow will come and give your birthday present when I come over Penang ya dear ~~ Love You ,Muacks ~~

Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Best Nite Ever

As you all know, I have a date with my dear on yesterday night as he come down from Penang and stay at KL for a day. Well we did not do much planning so we just follow the flow and I guess it turns out well isn't it dear? Hehe I went to find him at Times Square just as I get back from Nilai after giving my respect to my grandma and we watched the IpMan2 movie ( nice movie btw ) untill around 10pm. After that we went back to the guesthouse to have a nice clean shower and we just have a nice cuddle until 12.45am ( YES !! I remember the time ) he said he was hungry and want to have supper. He tried calling his friends but they are asleep so I have to be the waterfish :P Haha it's a joke. So we went to a nearby chinese restaurant and ate till 1.47pm and we went back and continue to cuddle. And that is when he gave me the ring necklace; i LOVE is so much but just that I can't wear it freely for now; hope dear understand ya. Then we continue to sleep till the next morning and because I can't accompany him till 4pm to take him to the bus station I just dropped him at Pavilion. Hope my dear have a safe and nice trip to Genting and safely back to his family too in Penang. Anyway I will just wait for dear to get back and chat with him again. So then adios ~~

Friday, May 7, 2010

Mother's Day Day

Haha, not that bad right? Just that I am eager and nervous at the same time to meet my dear. We been chatting everyday and he really treats me so well till I think it's like a fairytale haha. I do believe in fairytale though where everyone deserves their happiness and love. All I can say now that I think I found my soulmate to be with and for sure I am not letting it away. Sunday will be the day I meet him but that is also my grandma's death anniversary which falls on Mother's Day. Just wish I can cheer my mum up as I know deep down she is still hurt and cant really let go. I love u mummy and I wish all the best for you and daddy. No matter what happen, I will never neglect my duty as your son and I promise will give both of you the best life ever in the future. Love you ~~

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Planning Ahead

Wuuuu even though still have 3 more papers for finals, but my mind is already full with planning and just can't wait for holiday. Hehe my first priority of course for my beloved dear who will be coming down from Penang. Even though the meeting will be short but can see him satisfy me hehe ~~. Next would be VACATION!! Hell yeah I needed one haha. Never really have one but will do so this coming holiday. Destination not sure yet but for sure I will going to enjoy it to the fullest. Third would be finding a part time job; need to earn money and stop asking from parents haha. I just wan to earn more money to make my dear dear happy and not doing anything that will burden him. Fourth would be ( speechless :P ) haha don't know what else to do during hols ~~ Anyway wish every of my friends who having finals to have the best of luck and (extra wish ) wish my dear can follow me vacation too ^_^

Monday, May 3, 2010

3 May 2010

This is the date when I accepted him. Yes I do!!! I can say I love him and hope everything goes well. He will be coming on the 9 May, so will go to meet him that day. Can't wait for the day ^^

Friday, April 30, 2010

Should I Or Not?

Should I listen to my heart or my brain? Should I accept? Should I say no?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I copied this from a blog simonlover, and really agreed to this Chinese guy ( he is kinda cute too :P) 1000% about his comment on the youngsters nowadays abut their hair appearance.

3 Weeks

I feel like been hanging for that long. 3 weeks long after he tell me to wait for him and his answer. It's like waiting for Judgement Day to come and give the worse ever answer that I cant imagine. All of my friends ask me to let him go and move on with my life, but the more i try to let go, the more HARD it become. He keeps appearing in my mind for no reason and there is no way for me to forget about it.

My finals will be next week and I really want to score high this time but with this problem still bothering me it will not be easy. So there will be only 2 option ( for now ) ; first, contact him and settle it with him once for all and secondly, take it easy with the flow and wait for his answer. Which option should i decide? Any advices on this?

Monday, April 26, 2010

I need motivation

Yeah i need one A.S.A.P. This week full with the last big 3 subject presentation and exam too. Then the following week would be my finals which I haven't even revise. ( Congrats one me for being such a great student ). Should i drink RedBull or something more powerful? Hehe anyway will end here. Need to get ready with all the stuffs and be back soon ~~!!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Best Event ~~

Yeah my class had an event about Malaysian Culture and so on which we called it Malaysian Heritage Nite. Although it was simple but totally have a blast and wished we can do it again. Just want to say thanks to every of my beloved friends for making it a nice piece of memory ^_^

Video of my Bff's performance ^^

After the event

I Am Back

Yeah , it's as the title says; I am back to blog again. I stopped blogging for the past years as I am totally super busy with my Uni assignments and well, I actually don't find the necessity of blogging. However, I guess not everything can go well as we wished isn't it? The main reason for me to blog back was I was deeply hurt by someone who I loved and cared so much but I can't share it with anyone yet ( for now ). So the only way for me to release it out was by coming back here and let it all out. So will stop here for now and best wishes to everyone out there~~