Wednesday, July 7, 2010


I read a news about DJ Tiesto today and said that he passed away in a road accident. It's so sad and pity for a talented and great DJ just leave us just like that. You can read the news at here ( don't know true or not)
Whenever there are news about anyone passed away, I will have a memory about something that happen to me when I was only 8 years old. I always get upset about this matter and guess nothing can take my guilt away.

I had a good neighbour which treated my family well when I was a kid. The neighbour has 2 sisters and one of them treat me just like her little brother and the other one just brush me off. So I will named the nice sister as Sister J and the bad sister Sister K. Sister J and I had a very close relation as she does not have a little brother and my sister doesn't really bothering me that much and probably that is the reason why both of us get so close. Everyday she would take me to school, waited me to finish my class and hold my hand to cross the road, treat me foods and drinks that I liked, bring me to the park and so much more. However this does not last long for HER as she is involved in a road accident because of ME.

That evening I was just coming back from school and while I am in the bus, I drew a picture of Sister J and me holding hands and smiling happily. By the time I finished drawing, the bus was in front of my house and there is she, waiting for me to take me back home. I was eager and did not pack my crayons properly and while we were crossing the road, my crayons fell off and rolled over to the middle of the road. She asked me to wait for her when she helped me to take those crayons and that is when all goes wrong. She managed to pick the crayons up and was walking back to me when a BUS hit her and run just like that. I was totally shaken, shocked and stunned watching her get hit and bleeding all over. I still remembered that people are screaming for help and she still managed to pass me those crayons with a SMILE and that is when she said, " Don't cry Danny Boy, it's ok. Sis is going first and will protect you from up there. Be strong and I will be happy to know that you are safe".
That is when her family came and started shouting and scolding me. I just stood there like a retard and my parents was like " Calm down boy, calm down, sis is going to be just fine". When we reached at the hospital, everything was too late and the sis's mum was scolding at me saying I am the black sheep and disgrace to people. She keep on screaming at me, cursing me non stop which make me feel more guilty. I told Aunt S that I am so sorry and saying it's truly my fault while my parents defended for me. What I remember after that was the whole week was havoc as both of our family waged war and in the end, I told my parents, ' Let's move ' and we moved. Aunt S never even let me give my final respect to her saying I will dirty her and so on which I don't even bother listening. But for my whole life, I have been in guilty and the feeling will be triggered when I read or see something in common. If only I am not careless, Sister J probably had grown up into a beautiful lady with an angel like smile and have a good , warming family. I will never be able to forgive myself even though she said that everything is ok. Will I be able to let go of myself from this guilt? Perhaps or not...

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