Friday, September 10, 2010

Trust and Forgiveness

I have no idea why i love to post this kind of things lately (something must be wrong with me somewhere:P) . However I would still love to write about this matter which would be the biggest foundation for gay relationship, don't you think so?

As we know trust is the most important thing that help us to keep up a good relation not just with our loves one but everywhere we go; work, family and etc. Trust is the endearing faith and confidence that your partner will respect and he will show you his feeling of sincerity and genuine. But still we know trust is hard to develop as it is the hallmark for successful relationship and it can cause severe damage if not taken properly and can destroy everything in an instance. Like it take ages to build and maintain a good reputation but it only take seconds to destroy everything that was build.

So for those who would love to rebuild or have a better trust in the relationship, I think the tips are kinda useful ( quoted from somewhere )

1: Get a good handle on any projections that might be being triggered from the past; your boyfriend is not your ex or your father who may have hurt you before. Focus on the here-and-now and deal directly with this current reality and not those distractions that you’ll still need to grieve and complete.

2: You and your partner will need to communicate and listen to each other; make sure you know how to do this well and enlist the help of a trained therapist if needed. Difficult discussions abound and you each will need to be able to express and understand each other’s perspectives. You will also need to acknowledge and validate each other’s experiences of the problem and reach an understanding of how and why this happened, staying focused on the issue-at-hand.

3: You will each need to take responsibility for the roles you played in the indiscretion and be open to apologizing and forgiving each other.

4: In your problem-solving, you will need to create a new “relationship contract”, agreeing to behavior that’s fair vs. unjust and ensuring you each share these same definitions. Identify any unrealistic expectations to avoid any set-ups for sabotage. I personally think this works for some couples and it act like a legal papers ~~

5: Create a healing climate in your relationship. There is no room for competition, jealousy, blame, or defensiveness any more. Introduce more tenderness and attentiveness to each other’s needs. Demonstrate to each other consistently that you are each priorities to one another and remember that you get back what you put into your relationship (The Law of Attraction).

6: Learn to “let go” of any bitterness to allow each of you the opportunity to grow and change. Take an inventory of the positive memories, behaviors, interactions, and characteristics of your partner to keep you balanced and hopeful.

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