Opinions Please

Ok, this is the first time ever I think I going to request some love advice. Even though I had been into few relationships, but that doesn't make me professional or love god advisor and instead, I think I need more guidance. Being in a relationship is totally challenging for me in the way that how each of us handle the pressure and acknowledgement of family about your bf if you are open, how both of you communicate among each other to get know better, how you try to understand him if he is hurt, sad, emotional, or whatever more thingy emitted from him, how you want to make him understand that he is the only one special in your heart and many more (lazy want to list out all). I know being in a relationship is never an easy task and that is why, I always take it serious when it comes to love. But how do we know that our partner feels and think the same way? In my opinion, no matter how god damn freaking super duper close a couple are, we will never know each another mind and thinking. You can't tell for sure or understand how he really feels isn't it? We are not god, we can't hear how you feel, how you think, how you see us even though you magically said ' I LOVE YOU' or ' I AM FINE'. Understanding your partner would be the hardest part as most of the gay guys out there surely experienced bad times and even getting hurt over and over again. So how do you try to understand your partner and make sure that he understand you as well? By time? How long would that be? If time is not on your side then what are the other options? How do I tell when you are telling the truth or saying out how you feel? And after understanding, how well do you maintain your side with him? Who are we to say that he will do the same with us? We can't hear or know what he is thinking. Maybe he wanted a way out but feel that we still have a value of a replacement bf or even worse. And then in the end, everyone will be in pain physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually or anything else. I know out there, everyone surely had a word to say about this and how to handle this matter in a good manner as a win win situation. I would really love to hear any opinions that can help me in the future and of course other readers as well. God bless us.

Should I Not?

Since I been staying at home after my breakup, my family member are surprised that I always got home after work and know something was amiss and so they decided or planned it during dinner to have an interrogation with me ( Damm LOL)

Father : How was your job? Is it good?

Me : Yes, everything was fine. (Continue munching my food without looking at him)

Father : You sure? Hmm then why nowadays you never go out and meet your friend? Last time before you started working, you always go out and never come back home.

Me : Well, I want to focus on my job and earn money first ma (Have to lie about the breakup)

Mum : Goodla stay at home, no need waste money go out. Save money and give us

Sister : Haiya let him deal with his own life la, he go out also not doing anything bad

Mum : If he go out gaying around how? *Talk to me*, You don't go play backside a I tell you

Me : (I was like WTF in my heart already). I did not go play backside laaaaa. You want me play so much is it ?

Father : Goodla if never play, I thought you break up with the Mr XXX (my father really can read me bugger )

Me : Fuyoh, if I break up also, your should be happy right? I can find a girl lo now

Mum : Really? Ok ok let me set you up again *Smilling like kena lottery*

Me : The heck, stop doing that please. Besides I been going out with Joey already for few times. So don't disturb me

Mum : Joey? Good good, I know both of you are still lovingly like how you two used to be when kids.

Sis : That was when they are kids, now big already , don't disturb them

Me : Yala, I know what I am doing. Just don't talk about this thing next time during dinner

Father : * Gives me the suspicious look but continue eating*

Basically, my mum trying to set me up again and again and I am sure my dad knows that I broke up. He is my dad after all and he always guess me correctly. Feel torn between two sides now when mum so happily thinking something going to happen between Joey and me and more importantly I hope she doesn't get the wrong idea when I keep going out with her.

Up and Down

I have no idea whats going on with every couple out there as most of the people I knew were breaking up. First it was me, then my own close friend, then his friend, then my fellow blogger friends, my god what has happen? Anyway what is done is done and there is no point of looking back as it was the past and no matter how we tried to walk back, its impossible. So I moved forward like TULS(LOL) and I got back into this gay circle but I sensed that the gay guys who approached me were damn disgusting. They talked about sex, dick size (LMAO), and whatever god knows what kind of sex position and still dared to asked me out. I totally turned off when a guy come over and start talking about sex before even know you. The hell with how handsome or so called adonis you are as once you opened your mouth, I saw shits coming out (omg i so mean). After getting back into the reality of gay circle and singlehood, I tried to accept any guys just as friends (I am not as pro as TULS, lol) but the attitude really is sickening. It really make me wonder, is true love still exist for even gay guys? I know the answer but still what I saw so far really pushed back every positive thinking that I am trying to tell myself that happiness and love is still out there. How can I be still thinking there are good guys or sweet guy out there when all I meet are jerks ? (LoL) Anyway really got to keep up my positive thinking, if not I think I am gonna be lost forever LOL ~~

So Hard Yet

It's been a week since I am back to my single life and no words can describe my feelings right now. Upset and disappointment still all over me but yet I am glad that my workplace been keeping me busy to keep thinking of nonsense and whatever bullshit that my brain producing. I still keep your photo with me, unwilling to throw it away as it was the last thing I had about you even though all of my buddies call me to get rid of you. Still if I am not belong to you, no way for me to force through it doesn't it? So my single life been good as my friends been busy keeping me busy (LOL) as they worried I might drown into depression mode~~ ( I am not that crazy, my beloved friends) and be the another Joan of Arc statue. I am really fine and keeping going in my life as I believe no matter how hard now it be, the right one always there regardless straight or gay ( I am crapping already). So for now, just work work work and earn a lot of money money money ~~

P.S : Anyone want to go watch Immortals with me? Come come accompany me :D

New Start

Ok, so first of all i am regret to say that everything is over and a new chapter of my life has begun. Well my relationship ended and lasted for a year plus, longer than I had anticipated but the outcome was much predicted. I won't put the blame on him as both of us had the responsibility of this outcome and of course, I am upset that this relationship had to come to an end. Many sweet and bitter experiences we had shared together yet we had no fate to be ever lasting. Maybe its my fault for being too happy go lucky and not to your liking or can't be who you ever wanted to be. I am sorry that I can't change myself just to please you as I am no longer myself if I ever do that. Maybe I wanted your attention too much that I annoyed you and you hated me for that. But whatever it is, I never stop loving you and be there for you every time you need me. Anyway all of this had over and you had your own new life, so am I. I really wish you all the best in your undertaking in everything, life, love and hopefully, someone better than me can please you in the way you wanted to. For myself, I think a halt had to come in my love life and rethink about soulmate and the perfect one. I been into few relationship but still all come to an end. So the best would be stop dating for now until the one comes by again LOL ~~

And about me, I just started my work at an engineering company working as an engineer which I hated so much~~ I do not had much chances yet in the Science and Biotechnology sector, so got to wait for a little longer until the best opportunity come. Who have any job can intro to me :P? So right now I will just focus on my work, earn money and if love ever cross by, maybe I will reconsider to reopen back my door if he is the one~~ So that all from me for now, as I am still mentally tired in everything I do now.

Walk, Walk, Walk

Last weekend I went to Pavillion with my sister to buy present for her husband upcoming birthday and we drove there and parked at Lot 10. So as we had to walked towards Pavillion, we had to cross the traffic lights and joined the crowd which I hated so much. Anyhow this story is about how people or rather sales people, can change their attitude so fast. My sister was carrying her Burberry bag and my dressing was a bit classy that day too ( going to gay place ma) and the first stop we made was Coach. We wasn't attended and no sales man or women bother us and my sister fed up and change shop. Then we went to Gucci and found 1 beautiful wallet but decided to continue survey for any nice wallets around there. As usual sales people in Gucci also don't bother and just do their own thing. We proceed to Burberry and the treatment was same and my sister don't want to give a damm anymore and just say 'Choose one wallet and go Sephora later'. So we went back Gucci for second time and Burberry as well to choose between these 2 outlets and at last, welcome Burberry~~ So then, this is the best part. My sister decided to go in Parkson to buy wrapping paper and while walking, I noticed people were staring at my sister handbag and the newly bought small bag in her other hand too. All the sales girls were like going insane, approaching my sister like bugs and pestering her to try out makeup and stuff but she just don't give a damm. Before we moved to Sephora, we went again to Gucci and Coach, and this time the treatment was different. I saw from far they scanned us and opened the door for us, welcoming us, treating us and giving the hopeful look that my sister would buy something from them ( who called her to have Burberry's item on her; dai sei ~~). The treatment was totally different and it's as if we are king and queens where only the rich being treated like royalties while the poor ones, you die your problem LOL. Well we don't bother much as we already foresee this and deep down, I feel humans really can be hypocrite. I know they are doing so in order to get their job done so on, but shouldn't the sales people treat everyone fairly? So mean to treat people just by their status and I think it's really so bad. Anyway we end our day by spending at Sephora nearly RM1k lol

P.S : Got 1 gay couple buying Gucci wallet too when we were there.

Self Delusional Or?

I am not hot, not buff, not loaded, dress up like no dress up also got people want see? I not self praising or hiao, it's just that this week had gotten me thinking about new possibilities. Ok, here is the story, last week I went to Leisure Mall with my senior and the first stranger person we bumped into was a cute good looking guy, wearing formal clothes (probably just finish work) chatting on his hp. However the best part was even though the guy was chatting, he was LITERALLY checking me out, SCANNING me from head to toe (Creepy leh ~~) and when we walked past each other, I noticed he turned around 1 more time to look at me before I was out of his sight ( I not want to perasan a ). Then both me and my senior went to Starbucks to enjoy a peaceful day and there he was, with his laptop and his friend. I purposely take the table behind him and his back was facing me, so I am enjoying the view even though from the back only ~~ His friend however, been checking me out too and I think reporting don't know whatever info he can get just by looking at me to the cute guy. Then the cute guy stood up and wanted to leave but he WAS LITERALLY Checking me out and smilling sheepishly to me and I smile back too (courtesy mah). The cute guy was like look, stare, look, stare, SMILE LOL. Even my senior ask me to control myself as I wanted to go and ask the cute guy for his number. Too bad I don't have the courage to do so.

Today, the same thing happen to me again. I went to Jaya Jusco with my bro, accompany him to buy some formal clothes and when I get down from the escalator, there was a cute guy wearing a YELLOW T-SHIRT and keep checking me out. At first I don't bother and went to the desire section and after walking 1 whole round, the yellow guy ( not DIGI a) appeared from nowhere and walked near me and checked me out again. The creepy thing he did was trying to smell me? I heard his breathing as he passed by me ( i know when people smells something ><), maybe want to check out whether I smell like longkang or angel which I don't know. The guy was there whole time and making circles to look at me for whatever reason and after my brother and I was done, we went up to go to our car. He went down however, but gave me the longing look of like "Can I know You?"

Well these thing never happen to me before and suddenly less than a week, I had these incidents. I am not self delusional again ~~ But why check and scan me LOL. I am absolutely clean ><

All Over Again

My sister wedding was finally over and the whole hectic week was far back way ~~ As I am writing now, my sister and my brother in law are having honeymoon at Perth, Awww wish I can go there with my dear as well~~ Anyhow there is one thing that make me quite pissed off with my mum during the pre-wedding dinner . Decide for yourself ya ~~

Mum : Eh, see who has come to visit you. (Hiding someone behind her back)

Me : Who? This dinner is about sis. Who is here to see this leng zhai :D (self praise) ?

Mum : She lo (bringing out a girl). You recognized her or not?

Me : * I was like dumb strucked and just stared at the girl like for 10 seconds* (It was the longest 10 seconds ever of silent)

Mum : You DON'T recognized her?

She : Haha auntie, it's ok. I also don't remember his look that much. I think he doesn't remember me and I also don't remember him that much.

Me : * Nodded my head* Yes, yes , who is she, mum? *Turn to her and asked her the same question *

She : Haha *She just continue laughing for no reason LOL*

Mum : She is Joey a. How CAN YOU FORGET HER? Aiyo, mou ngan tai lei ( no eyes to see me LOL, She making it as if my fault leh )

Me : Joey? Ah I remember but how can I remember things that so long ago? We were like together when high school, and we both looked different mah.

Mum : Yala, yala * Walk away and leave me with her!!!*

Me : Hi Joey, long time no see. How are you? Would you like to have a drink?

Joey : Yeah sure do, thanks

Me : *I turned back and followed my mum and asked her in the kitchen* Mum, Do You By Any Chance Setting Up A Date For ME???!!!!!

Mum : Why le? She good girl mah ( My mum is not denying). Besides you both know each other well.

Me : OMG, can't you do this other day? That was long time btw. Nothing is gonna happen between us

Mum : Okla okla, go accompany her.

Me : *Speechless*


So in the end, I had to accompany Joey the whole night and even though our conversation is nice and great, but it does not change the fact that I am gay LOL. Joey even tell me she know my mum intention but don't dare to say anything as our parents are quite close. But in the end both of us managed to settle it in our own way :P. My mum keep doing this all of the sudden. Just loves to bring in don't know whoever to be with me zzzzzz. I talked to my mum after that and she agreed no more action behind the shadows so hopefully none of this awkwardness going to happen again. Anyway Selamat Hari Raya to all Muslim people out there~~

New Chapter

I supposed to be officially not writing on this blog anymore but my hand is so itchy and I can't resist it. Well pardon me for not updating like how I used to do as I was so busy with my internship and after its over , I had to rush with my report and get it finalized with my uni, if not I won't be going for the convo this year ~!!! I am not going to wait another 1 whole year just to get my transcript LOL. So my life been so far good as my wonderful bf had been looking after me so well ( thanks dear:P) and now looking for a good job. Would be probably joining GSK as I got a position and just hope all goes well.
Secondly I helped my dear to move house as he got to study at University of Nottingham and he rented a house there all by himself (even though he scared to be alone ) but lucky he bought a puppy which is already 3 months old by now. We named him Lucas (actually I proposed the name and he questioned me why must it be Lucas as he suspected my scandal name to be Lucas, I DO NOT HAVE a scandal ok !!!~~) and he is so freaking naughty. He is a Border Collie and you all know how energetic one can be. We can't get a good night sleep nearly like 2 weeks in a row just for him to adapt with us and he wants to play with us every second. Waaa i tell you, if I am allowed to pull his ears I sure do LOL. He will rest and sleep like 10 mins and energetic the whole night. How the hell we are suppose to have our night? But still we love him so much as he brings in the spark into our boring life (did I just say boring? LOL!! He is so going to kill me ) and in 1 week time we are going to celebrate our 1 year anniversary together. Yeah I know 1 year is short but still all these while with the arguments and the laughter we shared, its so worth while being together regardless how long or short the time is.
Thirdly my sister is getting married~~!!!! A wish come true for her lol. I mean every girls would love to get married aren't they? I am glad my sister found her man who is so gentleman and I liked him a lot (I don't have a crush on him a ) as my brother in law and hope their marriage last forever. Can't wait to have a nephew on my own and imagine the child call me uncle!! Walau, I don't look like uncle ok, I am still young :P. So to celebrate their marriage, yesterday we all went to Shangri-La Hotel and had a fabulous dinner there. The food was fantastic, the place was fantastic but not the environment as nearly the whole place is crowded by the Malays LOL (they buka puasa at the hotel). Luckily my bro who works there got a reservation for us and too bad our uncle who is the director there can't be there to celebrate with us too. Wanted to take lots of pictures in Shangri-La but did not bring camera along. Anyhow good luck and god bless the newlyweds ( when is my turn??) and wish them all the best sincerely from her lovingly brother~~
So will update soon again if I had the time to do so :D Byes ~~~

Long, Longer, Longest!!

First of all, my apologies for not writing anything on this blog anymore as I am super duper busy and the other main reason is I don't have the urge and necessity to write out my feelings that much as my dear is always there for me, supporting me. But still I guess there are times when you just want to pour out something that been stored in your heart and telling your partner is a No-no. Well basically my thesis was 99% done so I am kinda relaxed for this moment and been spending every time and opportunity with him as when I know that once I am doing my internship, everything will be busy. Seriously writing about internship totally give me a frustrating feeling as until now I haven't got any positive reply. Tried applying for GlaxoSmithKline, Tropicana Medical Centre, Kelana Jaya Medical Centre and a few more companies that either can't get through the number. Geram you know ~~ Anyhow will try applying for Sime Darby now and hope I will get the spot. Oh ya before I forgot, gonna wish every blogger and everyone out there with or without couple a Happy Valentine Day~~ Doesn't matter if you are alone, as long as you love yourself first right? Besides surely you will have your family and friends who love you even though you are alone. So don't be upset or down if ya still haven't have a partner to celebrate with. For those couples out there of course all the best for you all, keep the relationship as long as possible, if forever lagi best kan? Go and have a nice romantic dinner, watch movie or buy roses for him (wonder will I got 1? hehe I love flowers mah), go to seaside or do something unpredictable and extravaganza and lastly sex LOL. I don't know whether the sex part is neccesary but haha up to you all~~ Anyhow glad to be writing back and wish all the best again to everyone out there ~~!!




My most ever love song dedicated to you, dear ~



Happy Valentine's Day Dear ~